Are you gnashing your teeth, trying to change or alter something?
Does it feel like you’re fighting yourself – and losing?
You probably are. Consider this:
The Equation of Change
A person will not change or alter themselves as long as their perceived level of dissatisfaction is less than their perception of how much energy it is going to take to change.
Once this equation shifts, change will happen organically.
It is all about your built-in unconscious resistance to change. Your unconscious mind likes the status quo. Good, bad or indifferent, it will make the default choice to keep things as they are. This will lead you to tolerate things that are not working for a long time.
Up to a point. The tipping point will come when you allow yourself to feel the pain of where you are. The equation will shift, and your inner mind will support change away from the pain.
The key word here is “perception.”
Tolerating something you don’t like requires that you unconsciously alter your perception of how bad things are.
To make real alterations from the inside out, you need to shift this equation, by shifting your perception around one or more of the factors:
1. You can raise your level of awareness to how unsatisfactory things really are. (Quit making it OK for that faucet to be dripping, for instance)
2. You can raise your level of emotion about how beautiful it will be when you are on the other side of this, where you WANT to be. (Clearly and beautifully envision what you would really like)
3. And you can raise your understanding about how easy it can actually be to change. (Open up to new information and possibilities about how very much is possible, in the field of energy work as it relates to change)
Here’s a key point: To do any of these effectively, you have to engage with FEELING. Your unconscious attachment to the status quo is driving this boat, and feeling is the way to communicate with your unconscious. It doesn’t speak language or logic. It speaks in feelings. If you approach it with logic you are wasting your breath.
If you are trying hard to be OK with something when you are NOT truly OK with it, if you are avoiding feeling the frustration or whatever it is, you’re actually keeping yourself stuck in the place you don’t want to be. In other words, admit that the faucet annoys you enough that you actually fix it.
There is a paradox here: in order to change or alter yourself you have to first accept where you are. But I’m not talking about tolerating.
ACCEPTING and TOLERATING are two very different things.
Acceptance merely means that you stop making yourself wrong. You stop saying “I SHOULD be somewhere different than where I am.” You see the reality clearly, and you accept that this is what it true right now.
Tolerating, on the other hand, is saying “I have to stay here even though I don’t like it, so I’ll just pretend it‘s OK.” If you accept, it really IS OK. If you tolerate, you are pretending – and underneath you are seething and tying up energy. People do it all the time – make it OK to be/do/have less than they really want. While still wanting it and telling themselves they can’t have it. THAT is tolerating. Tolerating is denial. Think about the energy you exude when you are tolerating something…I am guessing you feel frustrated, angry, unavailable and closed off.
How do you flip this equation?
One way this happens is through a wake-up call. When you experience a near-miss, an accident, a serious illness, lose someone or something you love, in a flash you get deeply in touch with the fact that life is short and you’re letting it slip away drip by drip. Have you ever noticed how very easy it is to change after a wake-up call?
I see the discovery sessions I offer as a personally initiated wake-up call.
In a discovery session I will help you shine a light on what’s really going on. With this awareness, you can make an informed decision about what you want to do about whatever you’re not satisfied with. You might decide to change, or you might decide to move into acceptance; I consider either outcome successful. Acceptance and change are both empowering states.
As you create awareness, openness, action and peace for yourself, the effects will ripple into all areas of your life, and the lives of those you love.