Is your stuff attached with Velcro?
I love Velcro – it is such a simple material, that allows me to attach something firmly when it serves me to have it attached, and release it easily when I’m ready to take it off.
And recently it’s occurred to me that Velcro is the perfect metaphor for thinking about our STUFF – you know, the big and little things that bug us and stop us.
One of the premises of the work I do is that we are each individually personally responsible for what happens in our day to day lives. The story of Velcro can help explain how that works, and how to get WAY better results, have FAR better relationships,and just generally be a whole lot happier and more peaceful.
So – if we do create our own reality, how does Velcro fit into that??
I don’t know if you know the physics of Velcro – but it is really simple. One side of the material is made up of little hooks, and the other piece is a collection of little loops. When the hooks hit the loops, they grab hold and stay, until they are intentionally pulled apart.
It is my belief that we are all clear, beautiful beings who know ourselves, at some level, to be perfect. I actually have a visual of our insides being made up of clear, smooth porcelain. Luminescent, beautiful clear beings.
Except where we have Velcro. Where we have a bunch of little hoops just hanging out, waiting for someone to say the wrong thing, throw a barbed comment that hooks us.
Consider these two scenarios:
One, you’re in conversation with a friend, and they say, “Wow, have you heard how much weight Sherry’s lost? Can you believe it? She just looks amazing!” If you are feeling fine about YOUR weight, you smile, and join in feeling great for Sherry.
However, if you are feeling dumpy and frumpy that day, especially if you have said anything about loosing weight yourself, and thinking you really don’t know why you can’t seem to stick to a diet when every one else has it so together…you go into a place of thinking – “What is she trying to tell me? Is she saying that because she thinks I’m a failure? Doesn’t she know how much that hurts…” Yada yada, hello inner voice of doom.
In the first instance, your friend said something that potentially had a hook (and ANY comment potentially has a hook, if we have the Velcro to match it) – but you had no Velcro for it to attach to. You had no self doubt about yourself in that area, so the comment was just a comment. You did not take it personally or make it about you, and you honestly felt great for Sherry.
Scenario two is a different story. There was a wide swatch of Velcro for that comment to attach to, and it did. You made it about you, and who knows – maybe you’re going to stop seeing this friend because she hurt your feelings, questioned you…or whatever your inner mind makes of it.
You can tell where you’ve got Velcro, because when someone says or does something, it REALLY bothers you. And as you probably know, you can get Velcro in varying strengths. The older and deeper your self DOUBT or limiting story, the stronger the Velcro you’ve got inside.
So what can you DO about your Velcro? I’ve got a few tips for you –
A tip for peeling off the Velcro.
First, begin with releasing any judgment about whether or not you have Velcro. We all do, in various places, and it just is. Step away from that whip!
Instead, become the observer. Watch with curiosity for the times when something someone says or does elicits a strong emotional response in you. Then question your response. Does it indicate some Velcro? Especially when the emotion is out of proportion to the size of the current event, you can know that your feelings are not about what just happened, but about the Velcro you’ve got about this subject.
Be clear on the difference between facts and mind reads. Facts are things that people actually tell us, things we can see happening. Mind reads are the times that we make up a story about what just happened. Whenever you have a thought that bothers you, makes you mad, or generally elicits a powerful reaction, ask yourself (again, with curiosity, NOT judgment) What story am I telling myself about this?
Question your thoughts. Identify the story you are telling yourself.
Check in with yourself, and say – do I know this for a fact, or am I making it up? Get really clear about what stories you are making up, and choose to make up better ones.
You may not be able to do this in the moment…that’s fine. Do it when you calm down. Review your day, and say – did I find any Velcro today? Hmmm…I wonder what different story I can create?
When you realize that you are making up a story, come up with three other stories that are actually either neutral or empowering.
In this case, you might say – OK, the story I am making up is that she thinks I’m fat. But really – maybe she actually notices that I have lost some weight and she must see me as a healthy strong person, to have felt fine making that comment.
This is a way I think about the mind remapping work I do – it’s really a great way to peel off the big, old patches of Velcro that are wreaking havoc in your life.
If you resonate with this image, and feel like you’ve got some Velcro that you’d love to strip away, I invite you to check out my new BREAKTHROUGH program – it is absolutely designed to help you peel away layers of Velcro. So you get to that clear, clean place where you feel powerful, peaceful and happy, no longer the victim of unwanted Velcro.